Inner Beauty: A Tribute to Katelyn Nicole Davis

"Katelyn is not a child that committed suicide. Katelyn cannot be defined by what she did in her final moments here on earth but should be seen as a child who was denied what many of us take for granted; to be seen as worthy, to be loved, to be acknowledged, and most importantly to be seen and to be heard." - From the Facebook group, "The Giving Tree: Let's Branch Out"

Katelyn Nicole Davis (Feb 20, 2004 - Dec 30, 2016), often going by the handle "ITZ Dolly", was a 12 year old from Cedartown, GA, USA who became well-known after recording her suicide live over the internet. She also made a number of videos in the weeks leading up to her death, sharing her life, thoughts, artistic expressions, and challenging conditions that ultimately became too much to bear. Rest in Peace! Although shocking to the senses and extremely tragic, the case has at least brought needed attention to self-harm and suicide prevention, which includes the problem of copycat suicides. Also, it's brought attention to the problems of online and offline bullying, poverty, and child abuse and neglect, all of which have resulted in kids being failed by the system and falling through the cracks. However, a deeper look shows that Katelyn was a remarkable young woman with much wisdom to share, and notable beyond her unfortunate conditions and passing. Too often we define people by their circumstances, but real identity is much more than environment. It's like how people with depression, bi-polar, and related challenges sometimes need to remind us that "I am not my illness".

"I decided to watch some of her recorded broadcasts. I was expecting to see some trouble child, who was seeking drama and looking to the internet for attention. Or some dark, angry girl acting out for attention, or looking to 'get back' at someone who hurt her. Or maybe just a troubled teen looking for internet fame. But that is not what I saw, at all. In fact, I found an incredibly sweet, caring, funny, talented, intelligent, lovely soul, who somehow managed to find small joys in life wherever she could. The Katelyn I expected to see was not there...just this sad, sad story of someone who was just beautiful in her own right, but couldn't find meaning in life. She laughs, sings, and acts as a mother to her 2 siblings. This is absolutely heartbreaking... May she RIP" - From the former Facebook group, "Justice For Katelyn Nicole Davis"

Many have remarked that Katelyn is pretty with a striking appearance. However, even a casual look shows many deeper qualities. Katelyn actually had much to say about inner versus outer beauty. Above is one of her online profiles, which even in just a few words showed compassion and maturity. She isn't self-absorbed, but rather uses her having fought depression to help others who are depressed. She doesn't try to hide her challenges of having cut herself, but is willing to admit and talk about it. She "just loves everyone", so can certainly say she's "deep as f--k"! ;-)

It's notable that Katelyn, although often depressed, never got overly irritated with her conditions. Even when forced to take care of her younger siblings who were constantly getting in the way, she never lashed out at them or stopped saying she loved them. Katelyn was egalitarian, and tried to include and treat all people with respect. For example, in one online recording, she said: "If I don't say your name, and you joined, I'm sorry... I try to say everyone's name. I don't just say the people I like. I try to say everybody's name."

As a public service, Katelyn made this sweet message about supporting those with depression and not making fun of others: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gX88IA0aBw

Katelyn's primary sharings were a series of 38 livestream videos she recorded using the mobile app Live.me. These videos have been archived and can be seen on YouTube and other locations. Also, a 36,000 word extensive commentary on all Katelyn's livestreams has been transcribed and made available online by zeph1. A table of these livestreams is listed below. The columns are as follows:

• No.: The livestream number, ranging from #1 for her first to #38 for the last.
• Date: The date at which the livestream was broadcast. All are in December, 2016. The most recorded in one day was six on the 11th, and the longest gap between recordings was over six days between #31 and #32, leading up until Christmas.
• Time: The time during the day at which the livestream was started, in Eastern Standard Time (5 hours before UTC/GMT). The earliest livestream was started before 8:30am in the morning, while the latest was started after 11pm, and is the only one to span midnight.
• Length: The broadcast time length of the livestream, with the sum total of all 38 at the bottom. The shortest is under a minute, while the longest is over three hours, with an average length of 48 minutes. Altogether Katelyn broadcast over 30 hours of content.
• Running: The running total in hours at the time a given livestream starts. For example, at the time #20 was started, 12.68 hours total had been broadcast so far.
• Title: The title Katelyn gave to the livestream on Live.me before starting it. Yes, she did title her final one "Suicide". :-( Social media sites have increased detection of such situations, so if somebody were to attempt something similar today, they would be stopped more quickly.
• Link: A YouTube link to the broadcast in question. The final video of her suicide itself is of course not available on public sites such as YouTube, however (trigger warning!) an audio only of her last words is available.

In one of her videos, Katelyn talked about outer and inner beauty, along with the significance of religion. Her words below weren't rehearsed or anything, but were spoken casually while applying makeup. They show a depth of wisdom and love, and would be inspired coming from an adult, much less a 12 year old! It's hard to talk intelligently while doing something else, and also while kids are constantly distracting you. It's hard to be spiritual in the midst of busy everyday life, especially while living in an extremely unpleasant environment. She's lovingly spiritual with definite beliefs that she's not afraid to share, but not preachy or arrogant about them, with is a rare combination. She's what one might call "a true Christian", who actually lives the values that Jesus embodied. I dare say her gentle and loving, yet strong and practical, words and example would do a better job of inspiring people toward a more spiritual life than all the classical evangelical proselytizers out there put together! Her talk, taken from livestream video #35 recorded just two days before her passing, is transcribed below, but ultimately mere text isn't equivalent to the energy of one actually speaking. The world lost a beautiful soul with Katelyn's passing, and we can only wonder if we could turn back time what she might have grown up like, and would have offered the world! :-(
 

"Beauty: The face for beauty, that doesn't matter. What matters is inside your heart, that's the true beauty. Now, sure I'm doing makeup. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'm beautiful. Like sure, I might look pretty, but if I don't have just a good heart, and if I don't love people, and just be kind and sweet, that doesn't really make me beautiful.

So guys, remember, beauty is not just on the outside. Beauty also has to come within. And if you're really good to people, and you're really sweet, but you don't think you look good, just give it time. I'm not big religious, but I will say that God has a place for everyone, and God does some amazing and incredible things. I'm a Christian, so I believe in God and Jesus. Now, I was bullied, and I cut. I was suicidal. I just wasn't in my right place yet. I will show you how I used to look. Now I had a really kind heart. I didn't bully anybody, I was actually a really loving person. I loved everybody and everything. I loved animals, I just loved everything. This is what I used to look like. And now I look like this. The reason why is because I did good, I did what I was supposed to do. Like, karma. So beauty doesn't just come from your face, and from makeup. Beauty also comes within, inside of you.

You just got to be good to other people. So, just be true to people, and God will do some amazing things. Trust me! God is an amazing person, ok. All you have to do is pray. He always listens. I prayed to be beautiful, and to be smart. Not only that, just to make other people happy. And it seems to most people I got that wish. Which, I think I did receive that wish.

I don't think the gift of beauty is what everybody else thinks. I think the beauty that I received was in my heart. Because I might be negative and a pessimist, but I am always there to help for people. That's the beauty I got, I got the beauty to help. Inner beauty is the best beauty ever. Outer beauty, it's ok, but you got to remember, appearances change. Appearances don't matter. What matters is personality and your heart. So though I just did a makeup thing, that doesn't matter. This is only to make people feel better, to make their self-esteems feel just so much better. Makeup doesn't really do anything. All it does is just make people feel better. I feel better sometimes when I put it on. I mean, it makes me feel beautiful. Because throughout all my life, I was called ugly. I know I'm beautiful, not just because of my appearance, but also because of my personality. And I know I'm preaching to you all right now, but I just wanted to say that I didn't want you to think I'm all vain. I'm not vain at all, no I'm not vain.

And don't try to compare yourself to me please, or to anybody else. Because, makeup you can learn how to do it perfectly. Now, not all makeup is for everybody. It's not for everybody. But if it is for you then good. I won't want to say "hey use makeup", no I'm not like that. I'm not like "if you don't use makeup then you're a loser", no. To be honest, I don't like putting on makeup, but I just - it makes me feel good. I think it would be better if I didn't wear makeup, because it would show my true appearance, my actual self, my true beauty, which everybody has. Everybody who says they're ugly, they're really not! They just haven't found it yet. Appearances, it's pretty, it's cute, but it's not beauty. Beauty, is from the inside, not the outside. Trust me! It's not from the outside, it's from the inside. What's beautiful, is your heart and personality.

What's beautiful, is you. Everybody's beautiful in their own way, whether it be appearance, or heart, personality, their talents, anything. Their brain, their soul, the way they dress, their body shape (which doesn't even matter, but that is a part of beauty). I think everybody's beauty, and what I hate is when people say that they're fat, they think they're ugly. Really no, so what, so what if you don't like the way you look, you can change that, easily. But to be honest I wouldn't change for anybody.

I didn't change for anybody. Only person I changed for, was myself, and my Lord because - I don't know if you all are Christian or not, if you are then good, and if you're not then I'm not going to judge you, I'm not! Let's just say I really have turned some atheists (which are people who don't believe in religion) into Christians, because I tell them the truth. I mean, I just let this word inspire people. Let's just say God is just - there's no words. He's amazing! He can help you. If you pray to God. He always hears. He might not answer like that, but that's only because he's testing you. Now, if you think you're ugly right now, and you're blaming him. "Ok, you made me like this, why? Why did you make me look so fricking ugly. Why do I have to look like this?" If you're blaming him for that, that means you're failing the test. You need to have faith in Him. Have faith in God, because if you don't like the way you look, that's just a test. But you know what you need to do? You need to be like, "Ok, God, I know I'm beautiful, I know I'm beautiful. You made me like this because you wanted me to be something else. You wanted me to be different. And it's ok to be different, because you know what. In your eyes, I don't care about anybody else. In your eyes, I'm probably the most beautiful creature. You made me like this because I'm beautiful." I know I'm beautiful, and I'm strong. I won't let these other people bring me down because I am what I am. You made me like this because you wanted me to be like this. Which it's true, if you feel like you're ugly, you don't need makeup, you just need to say, "Hey Lord, look, I'm sorry for everything I've done." Confess your sins, and then say, "I know why you brought me here in this world, that's because you wanted me to be here to do something, and I am going to do something." I might not think that my appearance is well, but that's only because I don't see the beauty yet. But whenever I finally get older and wiser I will see that I'm beautiful the whole entire time. That's what you need to do. Don't stress over not being perfect for anyone. If someone doesn't like you, who cares? Who cares if they don't like you? I mean not everybody's going to like you. Trust me, I have a LOT of people who doesn't like me. Because they know I'm right. I'm not always right, but most time I am.

I'm not going to correct somebody for their religion. Not, "You're Jewish and I don't like you" - nope. No, I'm not like that. I'm not like that at all. Somebody's Muslim, who cares? They're a religion, to me. I don't care if they're Muslim or if they're Jew, or whatever. I don't care. I just don't look at that. Because in my religion, I know they're still God's children. And I would hope that they would give Christianity a chance, but I'm not going to force it on to them. I might say, "Hey, I want to tell you something about my religion." And then if they like it, they could join in. That's how I am, I believe in my Lord and Saviour, God. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I believe in the devil. I know that he's here, I know that for a fact, that I don't want to be near him. I will say this, I respect the devil. I do respect him, for being there and having a place for the people who did awful sins. I do respect him for that, but that does not mean that I have to follow his rules and be with him. I do respect that he is there, and that he has a place for people who just didn't care, and who just did whatever they want thinking they could get by it. But that's wrong. You can't just murder someone, go to jail, and think, "Oh, well I'm in jail, God will love me anyways." He does love you, but if you don't pray, and apologize, and just basically beg. That would be the best way, just beg, "Oh Lord, I'm so so sorry. I let the demons get into me. Please get this away from me." If you do that, he might, he might actually do it. But one thing that I know that he doesn't really accept an apology for is if you take His name in vain. By saying "G.O.D. damn it", or something like that, because that's taking His name in vain. And He doesn't like that too well. I already know that, I read the Bible. I'm still stuck on Genesis though, since I don't get much time to read. I'm trying to - I'm working on it, trust me. But, God, how long have I been preaching? I've been preaching more than I've been doing makeup. That's bad, I turned this from a makeup lesson to a Bible lesson. But anyways, if you have any questions about anything, just PM me, and ask me. I try to answer all messages that I can. If I don't answer right away, I will eventually answer. Trust me, I'm like that, ok? I will answer you.

You all just take care, ok? Don't let other people, like models and sh-t, don't let that bring you down and make you think you aren't beautiful, because you are, you all are. You all have something beautiful about you, ok? Physical appearances are ok, but what's better is inner. Inner beauty is so much better than outer beauty. Because inner beauty can actually get you somewhere. Outer beauty, it might not get you anywhere. Now it's nice, but it won't get you anywhere. Not anywhere really, where you can actually be happy. So that's it for right now." <3

In summary, Katelyn's one individual, who made an impression on many. She shows that even the very young have wisdom, and much to share! Katelyn has moved on from this physical world, but there are other girls and boys out there (and adults, for that matter) in similar unpleasant conditions, that we still have the opportunity to help. Let's open our hearts in a practical way, and as Katelyn says, "You just got to be good to other people." <3

"On the street I saw a little girl cold and shivering in a thin dress, with little hope of a decent meal. I became angry and said to God, 'Why did You permit this? Why don't You do something about it?' God replied, 'I certainly did do something about it... I MADE YOU!!!'" - From http://jritso.com/